It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
