it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
