We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
