my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
