Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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