You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
