I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
