so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
