Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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