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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
