The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
