Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
