At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
When are your genitals available?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
