lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
