I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
