First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
