i already hear my dad disowning me
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
