i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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