I cut my penus on the lid.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
