i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
