I am midnight drunk by noon
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
