Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
