you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
