they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
