that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
