Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
