If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
