Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
