I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
