i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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