What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
