Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
