I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
