Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
