i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
