So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Mom said you looked used
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
