Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
