some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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