Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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