at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
