Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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