Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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