when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
