I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
