Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
