you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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