Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
