he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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