His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
