dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
