dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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