dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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