Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
