quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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