yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
